Forgotten Love (Derrien Island Trilogy) Read online

  It was around midnight when they finally collapsed against one another completely weak and sated and they slept in each other’s arms until morning.

  Chapter 10

  Natasha awoke in the early hours as was her custom and was startled to discover the form of a man in her bed. So, it wasn’t just another hot dream and all that happened last night was real. Natasha sat up in her bed and looked down at the face of her sleeping husband whose features were still shrouded in shadow. Instead of feeling that she wanted him gone, she had an insane desire to lie down against him and allow him to wrap his strong arms around her again. All of the memories of the night just past came flooding back and the strong desires that accompanied them. Marcus had found her apartment and before they had a chance to eat and talk, they kissed like they hadn’t in a long time and ended up making love for hours.

  “Natasha this is crazy”, she told herself still feeling aches in all the right places and touching her still swollen lips with her fingers. She had said all kinds of things last night including how much she still loved him and he said the same to her. It was as if she became another person, or rather someone she had lost touch with a long time ago.

  Feeling hungry, and remembering that the food she heated the night before still lay uneaten on her dining table, she got up slowly trying not to wake Marcus and walked quietly to the kitchen to dispose of it. She put on the kettle to make some tea for herself, and as she did so, hundreds of thoughts and questions were racing through her mind. Last night things had gotten out of control so fast that it was like dropping a match on dry wood soaked with jet fuel. What had happened to her resolve to keep Marcus at a distance? What was Marcus going to think of her now? Would he be expecting her to come back to Derrien Island with him just because they made love?

  Last night she responded to Marcus as though it was the most natural thing to do. There were no inhibitions, no second thoughts, no fear, just desire and a powerful need to connect with him. Every fibre in her body was screaming yes, that this was what she wanted, craved and missed and to finally have him there was better than any of the dreams that were filling her mind every night.

  After cleaning up the dishes, she sat and drank a cup lemon tea and watched as the sunlight outside of the window grew steadily brighter and brighter. She only wished that could have been the case with this relationship. Last night confirmed something for her though, something that she was having trouble coming to terms with now that she was alone with her thoughts. She was still very much in love with and attracted to her husband Marcus.

  She had almost convinced herself that the feeling of constant numbness which she became used to on Derrien Island was actually the way that she felt about Marcus. But now, in addition to her knowing the truth about her feelings, Marcus now knew too and that would only make things even harder when she told him that she still wanted to end their marriage. It was the only way that she could guarantee that she could keep her freedom and her new contract. They just had different goals in life and now that she was in reach of hers she had to see it through to the end this time.

  “You’re up early Nat”, said Marcus standing across the room leaning against the archway leading to the bedroom. The sound of his voice startled her and some of her tea spilled on the table when her hands shook.

  Looking up, she saw that Marcus had put back on his jeans and they rode low on his hips. He hadn’t put on his shirt as yet and crossing his arms over his chest only served to cause the muscles there to bunch up and tighten. He looked so attractive and she felt herself being drawn to him again. Forcing herself to remember her last thought she tried to get herself back under control. Clearing her throat she replied,

  “You know that I’ve always been a morning person,” she said stiffly while grabbing some napkins to absorb the spill.

  “Any hope of getting a cup of that tea as well?” asked Marcus.

  “Sure.” Natasha got up and fixed Marcus a cup and invited him to sit before she sat down.

  “Look Marcus, last night was...”

  “Natasha, last night was wonderful, and I love you so much,” interjected Marcus before she could label their experience together as a mistake.

  “Marcus,” she began again before rubbing her temples slowly. “Please listen to me, last night was a mistake. I think that the familiarity got the better of us and we did what we never intended to do. It has only complicated this matter even more.”

  “Mistake? Complicated? How could a man making love to his beautiful wife and her responding to him be a complicated mistake?” he countered. “Natasha I know that you still love me. I heard you say it about a hundred times last night and if you didn’t you would not have been able to respond to me like that. So why are you trying to get me out of your life? Let’s work this out!” he reasoned.

  “I know what I said Marcus, but our marriage can’t work anymore,” said Natasha.

  “Who are you trying to convince of that, me or yourself?” argued Marcus, because you certainly convinced me of the exact opposite last night.”

  “Look we are familiar with each other and not seeing each other for a while caused some old feelings to resurface, that’s all!” said Natasha refusing to look into his eyes for fear that he would see the truth in hers.

  “Old feelings? There’s nothing old about the way we feel about each other Natasha. We’ve only been together for six years now.”

  Marcus got up from where he was seated and squatted down on the floor before his wife and took her hands in his noting that she was still wearing her wedding rings. But he chose not to point that out to her at that moment.

  “Natasha, I need to know the truth. Do you love me? Did I hear you right last night when you were in my arms saying you couldn’t get enough of me?”

  “Marcus, why are you doing this to me?” said Natasha visibly squirming in her seat in discomfort as the intimate memories surfaced in her mind once again.

  “I’m not the one doing anything here, you are. You are the one who is insisting on this insanity!” growled Marcus narrowing his eyes to dark slits.

  “I told you, I wasn’t myself last night, I think things got out of control between us but it won’t be happening again!” she replied trying to keep the emotion from out of her voice. She had to convince him it was over between them. It was the only way she could see to pursue her dreams on her own, to be the person she always wanted to be.

  “Who is Lucas Johnson to you Natasha?”

  Caught off-guard by his question, she suddenly remembered that he would know about him because of Sheldon and the airport meeting. This conversation was not going in a direction that she felt comfortable with anymore.

  “Lucas? What does he have to do with any of this?” she hedged silently wondering exactly what Sheldon told him.

  Natasha’s attempt to sidestep the Lucas issue filled Marcus with frustration.

  “Damn it Natasha, you came here with someone and from the looks of things yesterday you guys seemed really cosy together. Are you having an affair with him?”

  “What do you mean by that? Wait were you following me?” asked Natasha incredulously wondering how he would know that she looked cosy with Lucas.

  “You didn’t give me much of a choice. You left our home so suddenly and then the next thing I hear you were at the airport with a man who had the audacity to be touching you as if you were his wife instead of mine.”

  “I see that Sheldon vastly exaggerated what he saw Marcus. But even if he did, that is what I am trying to tell you, this marriage can’t happen anymore. You and I want different things now and it would be crazy to try to continue.”

  “Are you saying that you want a relationship with this man, Natasha?”

  “No, that is not what I am saying. I am saying we want different things in life. Our lives are in separate countries now. I need you to accept that and to let things be. This has to be goodbye for us.”

  “Do you honestly expect me to believe that?” said Marcus. The
dull thudding pain in his heart was now spreading throughout his body again. He studied Natasha’s face and watched as she played with her left ear briefly before snatching away her hand and looking out through the window silently.

  “We can work this out Natasha. You never gave us a chance to talk about any of this. Don’t we at least owe that to ourselves for the last six years? Didn’t those years mean anything to you at all?”

  “Marcus those years started out great but as we went along we just lost our connection. Marcus I was miserable there on Derrien with you!” exclaimed Natasha.

  “Miserable? How could you say that, we had the makings of a great life together and we can have that again, if you could just give us a chance. I’ve realized now what you have been trying to tell me all along and I am sorry for how I’ve treated you. But you have to know all I was doing was taking care of the woman I love.”

  “Marcus it’s too late! I have already moved on with my life. I am building something great here for myself. Something you are not interested in being a part of,” she replied folding her arms defensively across her chest.

  “But that’s just it, I want to be a part of your life and I can prove it to you. Listen, I was going to surprise you for your birthday but I am just going to tell you straight off, I was going to buy Lucinda’s for you and rename it after you and have it renovated and add on an art gallery just for your paintings. I know it will be successful. Think of how many tourists and locals visit that restaurant daily. We can make things work Natasha; you don’t have to be out here all alone. Come home with me!”

  Pushing her chair back sharply from the table Natasha could not believe the words she heard come out of her husband’s mouth.

  Yes, she was shocked at the extravagance of his gift to her and his idea about her opening her own art gallery there warmed her heart briefly, but it was still not her full dream. Surely even he could remember that! Owning a restaurant was his dream again not hers! He was still trying to fit her into his mould, his way of thinking!

  “Marcus in all the years we have been together I have never felt as invisible to you as I feel now,” she said standing up.

  Marcus rose to his feet as well, and watched as Natasha trembled and tears flowed from her eyes. Her expression contorted into one of hurt and anger once again. What on earth did she want from him, blood?

  “Invisible? I am trying to do what you wanted. You said you wanted to do something you loved and you want to know that you are recognized for something, so I decided to call the restaurant Natasha’s and you can display your art and even sing there if you want. It will be yours!”

  “You don’t have a clue about what I want Marcus and I can see that more clearly now than ever. You say you love me, but I am not the woman you met six years ago. That Natasha is gone and she’s not coming back,” she shouted. “Do you know why I am here making a life in Georgia, Marcus? Do you know why?”

  “I don’t know, but I know that Lucas somehow convinced you to come out here promising you dreams he probably cannot even deliver on.”

  “What? You see things as far as your own nose Marcus Nicholls. For all your following me and investigative work you missed one huge detail,” she said as she walked to the farthest part of the room away from Marcus.

  Marcus started to follow her but look on her face stopped him.

  “Natasha please talk to me, what is going on?”

  “I just signed a multi-million dollar contract with Pacific Sun Records two weeks ago and I am on my way to having the singing career I had always dreamed of. I already have my dream Marcus and I got it without you,” she said adding that last jab resentfully.

  Natasha’s final words struck him like a ten ton wrecking ball.

  “Are you saying that Lucas delivered on his promise to you?” he replied, his voice breaking. Marcus was torn between his emotions. In one instance he was so proud that the world would finally discover what an amazing singer Nat was but he was not the one she chose to share that moment with and that was too much to think about. He felt like such a fool now offering her pittance in the form of singing at her own restaurant when someone else had already laid the world at her feet.

  He had already lost and she did not even bother to tell him before he made a fool of himself.

  “How could you even think of coming here and offering me an opportunity back on Derrien Island?” she continued. “You of all people knew what my dreams were concerning emigrating here from the beginning and you crushed them every time I opened my mouth to talk about them. You never supported me you never encouraged me to go after the life I had planned for me. It was always about you and that damn house, and those restaurants and now you are trying to blackmail me with Lucinda’s. That is really low, even for you! Go home Marcus, go home where you belong!” spat Natasha.

  “You don’t mean that Natasha! Look I had no idea that you had already signed a contract,” said Marcus.

  “Well now you do! And do you know what has hurt me more than anything else in this whole time I’ve been up here? You were in every dream I had of myself finally achieving this. I wanted you here, not Lucas, not to be doing this alone, not to have to feel that I had to run away from you to finally do something with my life!” she cried bitterly.

  Marcus felt as though he had a rag stuck in his throat and he could not swallow, could not speak. It was as though the realization he came to that Saturday morning in Derrien was just a shallow peek into the life Natasha felt she had with him. What he was seeing now was so much worse. Lucinda had asked him what he was willing to give up for Natasha and he realized that he wanted her back but he was not prepared to give up or compromise anything to really be with her.

  Not until now.

  “I’ll move back to the US with you if that’s what you want, Nat. I just need to be with you. I am going out of my mind without you in my life!” he confessed.

  “Don’t you think that decision is just a little late and a little too farfetched Marcus? You don’t want to be here with me, you just want to be able to control me, to plan my life for me. Please leave, I will contact a lawyer so that we can begin the proceedings to end this marriage. I think we can do this quickly and quietly. I don’t want anything from you so don’t worry about losing your precious Azure Lodge or any of your possessions to me. I am quite prepared to make a life for myself.”

  “Natasha!” began Marcus walking toward Natasha feeling as though his legs were made of lead.

  “No! No more words, I can’t stand it! I just can’t stand listening to anything you have to say to me anymore!”

  “I am so sorry, I can’t tell you just how sorry I am,” whispered Marcus brokenly trying to grasp her shoulders.

  “I’m sure you are!” she replied sarcastically shrugging out of his reach. Natasha stepped back and stood with her hands outstretched warning him not to come any closer. It was pointless to try to convince her any further. Maybe she was right; last night really was a fluke, just a resurgence of familiar feelings for him. Nothing he had said changed her mind and she certainly did not believe him when he said he would be willing to move here just to be with her. Knowing that he was only a bitter memory and an irritating obstacle for her, hurt more than he could ever have imagined.

  “Congratulations on your contract!” whispered Marcus softly.

  With those final words Marcus walked into the bedroom collected his shirt and put it on quickly before he walked out of Natasha’s apartment and left. When the door closed, Natasha sank down to her knees on the floor and cried until she thought that her heart would explode.

  Nothing could really describe the utter devastation Marcus was experiencing as he returned to his hotel. He just wanted to shut the door to his room and draw the curtains but that would be impossible considering that Sheldon was there.

  He had played the conversation with Natasha through his mind a hundred times since he left her apartment that morning. She was already building a successful life without him. What had made h
im think that his offer would have been enough? With the connections he had as an international best-selling author he should have been the one to find a way to arrange a record deal for his wife. After all he personally knew about three people in the industry, including the CEO at the Emperor record label one of the largest in the US. He had met Mr. Trenton Parks at one his recent book signing tour a few months ago and they had a great conversation. He was interested in helping Marcus convert his books on audio with music and effects in the background.

  What kind of a selfish man was he really? How could he not see how miserable his wife had been and never saw that he could at least try to help her reconnect with the dreams she desired most. He began to remember again the countless times Natasha would drop a statement to him when she was watching American Idol or when he caught her singing. How blind could he be? And now he saw everything with clarity.

  He had decided that his life was on Derrien in the house on Manderley. From the day that he had first met Natasha he took her there trying to fit her into his dream, trying to make sure that he honoured the memory of his parents by deciding to live there. It was like the most precious thing he had ever received from them, something they paid for with their lives. He had never thought that he deserved this gift and he had attached himself to the land and the house as though if he left his life would end. How many times had he told Natasha that he never wanted to live in the USA again. How many times did he push away her request to even think about it? Then it was also a constant need to prove to her parents that their marriage was not a mistake and that he could take good care of her.

  “Christ Marcus! What happened you look terrible? How did things go with Natasha? I noticed that you did not come in last night. I thought that meant good news,” said Sheldon as he entered the room.

  “Sheldon, I failed. I failed her.”

  “No way, tell me what happened,” demanded Sheldon.