Forgotten Love (Derrien Island Trilogy) Page 20

  She wanted to apologize and explain so much and even now she marvelled that he was still even speaking to her. She hadn’t been kind to him, but here he was still remaining open, still wanting to make things right. She didn’t deserve him at all and now that she was having more and more reservations about her job and the exacting demands of her contract, was it all really worth it?

  “Yes there is no place like home,” replied Marcus wistfully as he studied the expressions flitting across Natasha’s face. Was that a tinge of regret he saw just now?

  “No place like home!” she echoed.

  “Okay great, I think we can combine the two then. I was hoping to take you away from here for the rest of the morning where we could talk more privately and the place I had I mind would allow you to still get your swim. Interested?”

  Natasha smiled knowing that whenever Marcus proposed a mysterious outing in the past it was always more than impressive.

  “Okay, I’m game! Where are you parked?”

  They walked together to where Marcus had parked his SUV and got in. “Won’t I be needing a bag or anything for this adventure of ours, after all I was only planning to swim in front of the hotel,” remarked Natasha gesturing toward her clothing.

  “No, you have just enough clothes, trust me, I think you will like what I have planned,” replied Marcus not prepared to give any chance for today’s plans to be interrupted. He finally had Natasha with him and she was willing to talk. This was worth more than diamonds or rubies as far as he was concerned. Getting a towel and a change of clothes was way down on the list of what he considered to be important.

  “Okay, any clues on where we are going today, or is it a closely guarded secret as usual?” asked Natasha suddenly enjoying the playful banter that passed between them. It reminded her of how light and wonderful their friendship had been in the beginning.

  “Not one!” laughed Marcus as he started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot.

  Chapter 17

  As they drove, the journey took them through the countryside as Marcus headed toward the east of the island which was more rural and less densely populated but had the most breathtaking views of the Atlantic Ocean. They did not say much on the trip preferring to enjoy the scenery of the countryside as it whizzed by. Coming to a sandy track passing between a grove of palm trees, sea grape shrubs and coconut trees Marcus suddenly turned off the main asphalt road and began driving through the trees into what appeared to be increasingly dense vegetation.

  “Uh Marcus?” asked Natasha bumping up and down in her seat on the uneven terrain.

  “Don’t worry it’s a surprise!” smiled Marcus.

  “It’s just that this road is a bit away from any village settlements I am familiar with!”

  “We are soon there! I think that you will forget about all of these fears when you see what I have to show you,” he said.

  You know what, I have never understood how you as an American by birth know so many hideaways in the country in which I was born and raised,” laughed Natasha. Marcus had always loved surprising her before and she was never disappointed.

  They drove for another minute before emerging into a grassy clearing that led onto a bay shaped beach with pinkish sand. Marcus parked beneath a large sea grape tree and jumped out quickly and excitedly. It had been so long since she had seen him really smile. After all there hadn’t been much to smile about between them for a long while. Curious about what was creating his excitement Natasha climbed out quickly and walked with Marcus to the shoreline.

  The eastern coast of the island was not as calm and tranquil as the west coast with the year-round gusty winds and large waves which made it more suitable for persons who liked to surf. The force of the wave action had created several towering stacks of rock which were the weathered remains of where the cliff had once extended hundreds of years ago.

  “I discovered this place many years ago on one of my hiking trips, and I haven’t thought of coming here for a long time. One of the locals told me that it was called the Cave of Pools. I thought that it was a weird name for a beach at first but you are about to see why. Marcus reached for her hand and she let him hold it as though it was the most natural thing in the world for them to be holding hands and strolling down a secluded beach together. The warmth of his fingers as they intertwined with hers sent ripples of heat flushing through her body which centred and intensified at her heart.

  As they came closer to the end of the beach she saw that the rock had been eroded into what seemed like an archway that formed a natural roof. Within the chamber was a large rock pool of calm water gently stirred by waves filtering in through two smaller openings on the other side where the waves crashed against the rocks. Beyond the first arch was yet another opening and she could see two smaller pools in there. The reflection of light from the water danced on the rock wall above and around the pools illuminating crystalline structures in the rocks.

  “Marcus this place is absolutely magical! How is it that you are only bringing me here now?” asked Natasha as she absorbed the sheer beauty of the place.

  “Do you want to know the truth?” asked Marcus.

  “Earlier in the year I decided that I wanted to bring you here for our wedding anniversary, which as you know will be in a few months time!” replied Marcus. “So, seeing that you are here now I could not think of a better time to carry out my original plan to sweep you off for a day of magic and adventure,” he said grinning at her wide-eyed expression.

  “Seriously, you had this in mind?” asked Natasha sounding slightly disbelieving. “Even though I was hardly speaking to you, you still wanted us to do this together?”

  “Natasha, I didn’t know back then why we were not getting along and I was just thinking of ways I could make you happy again!” replied Marcus hoping that she would see his sincerity.

  “I don’t know what to say! This is more than I even deserve from you! It’s so beautiful Marcus, don’t many people know of this beach?”

  “Not really and I am hoping that it doesn’t become another place on the island overrun by hundreds of tourists. I think it is nice that Derrien Island still has many unspoilt locations,” he replied.

  Natasha turned to face her husband and admired the strong angle of his jaw and the slight darkening of the shadow of his beard along it. Somehow not even the worst of times she’d put him through had changed the essence of who he always was inside.

  “Marcus, I need to say something to you and I want to do it before we do anything else today! I’ve been thinking a lot about us since you visited me in Georgia and even more since we talked to my father yesterday,” she began.

  “I let a lot of my own disappointments and how hurt I was by my parent’s reaction to us cloud my judgement. I treated you unfairly on many occasions and I am sorry. I know we can’t go back in the past but I am asking your forgiveness for shutting you out and for leaving you in the way I did that night. I held on to all of the things that hurt me and I tried to dump it all on you as though it was your fault. I never came to terms with the fact that we both lost Sara, and closing part of my heart at the time was the only way I felt I could survive. It kept me from feeling anything and eventually I learned to retreat more and more into that numbness whenever I felt a sense of loss. Then, every time you brought up all that was going right for you I only saw a growing list of what was going wrong for me and I retreated and pushed you away too. I meant to talk to you about the singing opportunity weeks before, but I convinced myself that there was no point and I procrastinated. I finally decided that I would take the selfish approach and just leave. I know it caused you a lot of confusion and pain and I am sorry for that,” said Natasha earnestly. I am sorry that our relationship turned out this way!”

  “Nat, I forgive you but I don’t blame you for how you acted, not for a minute,” replied Marcus. “I think that I am the one who needs to apologize. I could see how beautiful and talented you were and I didn’t want to lose you like Sara an
d give your father more reason why I didn’t deserve you. So whenever you would bring up ideas about leaving and pursuing your career I felt threatened, like I would lose you to everyone and everything else. At the time, it made more sense to try and become as successful as possible so that you would not even need to look for a career and I hated the fact that you felt you had to work at the school instead of with me at the restaurants. I wanted to be all that you needed and that was selfish, irrational and ridiculous. Then on top of it all I convinced myself that my parents would have wanted me to live on Derrien in that house and on that land. I let that and all the hurtful memories I had left behind in the US decide that I would not be willing to be anywhere else. When you left, the truth hit me really hard”, said Marcus with a dry laugh. “My home was wherever you were because you have my heart and the house felt empty and cold and it still does without you there. If I could choose again, I would do things a lot differently. I wanted to say that to you when I came to Georgia four months ago but I came with the wrong motives. I was still trying to have you on my own terms. Asking you to even consider coming back here to sing in a restaurant so I could feel better about myself? I cannot tell you how lousy I felt when I fully realized what I had done. By then, I had already flown home and I was convinced you did not want to hear from me again, he said exhaling forcefully. “So I need you to forgive me too. Will you forgive me for not being the man you needed and forgive me for being so darned myopic?” asked Marcus.

  “Yes I do Marcus, but I haven’t been angry at you for months now. Actually it was I who felt as though I was swimming in regrets. You didn’t do anything wrong, in fact you are the one that did not give up on me. I feel so ashamed of how I acted toward you that morning because it was the only way I could satisfy the requirements of my contract. I know I want to sing but the cost of losing you seems too great now!” said Natasha sadly.

  Marcus could scarcely believe what he was hearing. He had so many questions racing through his mind at her admission. So why did she send him divorce papers if she was feeling so much regret, he wondered.

  She continued, “Even though I said all those things to you, I tried telling myself that you didn’t call me because you really didn’t care anymore and I was right in my decision to leave. But I got exactly what I asked for and I hated it, I hated trying to make it big without you. I am stubborn so I refused to call you to show any signs of weakness or wavering either,” she said closing her eyes and looking away from his penetrating gaze.

  “I was just giving you the space I figured you needed. You seemed to feel so stifled by me and I just decided that I would let you breathe and be you. I can’t feel anything for you but love, Nat, replied Marcus kicking at the sand so that a few grains flew into the air and were carried away by the breeze.

  “I think that was the best thing you did too because it helped me to see that my strategy was not working at all. I thought I was over you, I thought I felt nothing but the harder I worked the lonelier I felt. Yes, I had my team there and Lucas of course but something always seemed to be missing and I knew it for sure the day I had the interview on Ellen,” she breathed wearily.

  “Yes, I watched the interview that day on satellite. You looked so amazing and your song, “Brave”, I think that one is going to take you platinum,” said Marcus with a smile.

  Natasha smiled at hearing her husband compliment her song. This was what she was missing, those were the words she longed to hear and this was the man she wanted to say those words to her. She stepped closer to Marcus and laid a hand on his chest and felt the rhythm of his heart strong and clear begin to speed up and his breathing became more rapid and shallow. She finally laid her head against his shoulder and felt his arms encircle her in a warm embrace.

  “Marcus, I missed you so much. I missed us!” she said as the tears she refused to release for months finally began to flow down her cheeks. “I told myself that it was brave of me to step out and to accomplish my dreams without you and that is what that song is all about, but it is so wrong. I can see that now! I couldn’t even record that video without thinking of you! Sometimes I just feel that the sacrifices I am being asked to make just aren’t worth it,” she sniffed.

  The warmth spreading out from Natasha’s body to his as they stood there wrapped Marcus in a sense of oneness with his wife that they had not experienced in many years. So many obstacles, family opinions, selfish motives and not dealing with their grief in the right way had cost them many years of happiness together. But, just having her finally surrender against him like this, Marcus knew that he was being given the gift of a second chance and it was more precious to him than anything else that he owned in the world. Burying his nose in her hair he inhaled the familiar scent of mint oil that she often used after washing her hair longing just to run his fingers through it.

  “Nat, I know that so much has happened between us and we have been living separate lives for so long now, but I want you in my life again and I want to be a part of yours,” whispered Marcus.

  “I want the same thing too,” she replied truthfully.

  Neither dared to speak after those heartfelt admissions, allowing the depth of what they other spoke to really sink in. Only the sound of the wind whipping about their ears was audible.

  “What about Lucas? What does he mean to you?” asked Marcus carefully.

  At the mention of Lucas’ name he felt Natasha stiffen in surprise for a moment but then she relaxed before gently pulling away from Marcus and sitting on the sand where they were standing. Following her lead he sat beside her and waited for her response.

  “Lucas was the one who had arranged for me to have a chance at the singing contract all those years ago and when we ran into each other , he wanted to know if I was still interested because according to him I still had the look and the voice. I admit that I was flattered and it restored a lot of the hope I had lost over the years and finally I decided that I wanted back the life I was offered. So he offered to help me through the transition. He has been really supportive and a wonderful friend to me. I don’t know how I would have made it though if I did not have that help,” she admitted.

  Looking at Marcus she saw him wince at her open admiration for Lucas Johnson.

  “You do know that he wants more from you than a friendship, don’t you?” asked Marcus.

  “I do know and I have always told him where I stand concerning that. He always knew that we could only be just friends and he promised to respect my marriage until I had finished sorting out the details in my mind,” she explained.

  “So, what’s changed for him? I saw him kiss you this morning at the hotel,” stated Marcus once again feeling a desire to wring the man’s neck.

  Natasha blew a gust of air out of her mouth and picked up a seashell and ran her fingers around the serrated edges.

  “I was hoping that you did not see that! Yes, he has been hinting at having a life with me more than ever lately. I think that he feels threatened by the fact that you are here and he hasn’t made much progress with me. He is always reminding me that I need to finalize my divorce so I don’t mess up my contract.”

  “How do you feel about him?” pressed Marcus further, while filing away the thought that he needed to ask her exactly what kind of contract she signed which required that he was out of her life permanently.

  “Truthfully I love him like I would a brother, but that is all it’s ever been for me! You are the only one I am in love with and still love in that way. I am sorry that Lucas is hurt but I have been honest with him from the beginning,” Natasha replied now sifting the pinkish coarse sand through her fingers.

  “Today was the first day I felt that I could start a fight in a public place. When I saw him kiss you it was all I could do not to walk up to him and throw him into the waterfall,” said Marcus honestly.

  Natasha could hear how serious Marcus was about the statement he had just made and was glad that he was always the type to think first and then act.

  “I
was telling him that I thought that he should go back to Georgia without me.”

  “Okay, so I need to ask you this, why does your contract say you have to divorce me?”

  “It is the image of me they want to portray as this sexy, young, unattached female. They also don’t want any negative publicity around that at least until I build up that image for my fans! At the time I was so excited about being offered a contract and still in denial about us that I just signed it. Lucas said it was a great opportunity and I guess I trusted his experience in these matters. If I don’t have the divorce finalized by my first album launch I will have to forfeit the contract and lose a lot of the money I earned from my singles. I was hoping that my success with those might cause them to reconsider that aspect but I had to fly out here, so I have not had that conversation with them as yet! My album launches in a month’s time!”

  “So are you saying that you were willing to divorce me just to get ahead in your career even though you knew you still had feelings for me?” asked Marcus feeling hurt at her admission.

  “Yes and now that I have had the time to really think about all of this I can see how wrong that is,” she said quickly as his expression darkened. “The funny thing about all of this is that although I sent the papers to you I hadn’t signed them either. Especially when I got your book I knew that I had to think twice.”

  “Do you think we can save our marriage or are our lives too far apart now?” asked Marcus cautiously hoping that Natasha’s answer would give him the chance he was praying for.

  “Marcus, I don’t want the divorce anymore, I want to work things out with you, but I can’t see that happening with us living so far away from each other or with me in the midst of this binding contract,” said Natasha sighing with frustration.